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What is Violent Communication?

If “violent” means acting in ways that result in hurt or harm, then much of how we communicate—judging others, bullying, having racial bias, blaming, finger pointing, discriminating, speaking without listening, criticizing others or ourselves, name-calling, reacting when angry, using political rhetoric, being defensive or judging who’s “good/bad” or what’s “right/wrong” with people—could indeed be called “violent communication.”

What is Nonviolent Communication?

Nonviolent Communication is the integration of four things:

• Consciousness: a set of principles that support living a life of compassion, collaboration, courage, and authenticity

• Language: understanding how words contribute to connection or distance

• Communication: knowing how to ask for what we want, how to hear others even in disagreement, and how to move toward solutions that work for all

• Means of influence: sharing “power with others” rather than using “power over others”

Nonviolent Communication serves our desire to do three things:

• Increase our ability to live with choice, meaning, and connection

• Connect empathically with self and others to have more satisfying relationships

• Sharing of resources so everyone is able to benefit

Contents

1. Giving From the Heart

2. Communication That Blocks Compassion

3. Observing Without Evaluating

4. Identifying and Expressing Feelings

5. Taking Responsibility for Our Feelings

6. Requesting That Which Would Enrich Life

7. Receiving Empathically

8. The Power of Empathy

9. Connecting Compassionately with Ourselves

10. Expressing Anger Fully

11. Conflict Resolution and Mediation

12. The Protective Use of Force

13. Liberating Ourselves and Counseling Others

14. Expressing Appreciation in Nonviolent Communication

About the Author

Marshall Rosenberg, Ph.D. has initiated peace programs in war-torn areas throughout the world including Rwanda, Burundi, Nigeria, Malaysia, Indonesia, Sri Lanka, the Middle East, Serbia, Croatia, and Ireland. He is the founder and director of educational services for the Center for Nonviolent Communication (CNVC), an international nonprofit organization that offers workshops and training in 30 countries. Dr. Rosenberg is the author of Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life (2nd edition, PuddleDancer Press, 2003).